Picture This

It's 5:35 am and I got up to let LG devour a second 8 ounce bottle for the night. My hubby got up with him the first time, so I actually got to sleep from 10 pm straight on to 4:45! I feel so rested that I held him after he finished until he went limp in my arms. I usually feed and immediately deposit him back into the crib so I can return to bed to steal another hour's sleep before Lula Belle wakes up for the day.

But, like I said, I feel awake. Alive. Blessed.

I stopped by Lula's room to check on her. The night light creates a warm glow in her room. Even in the dimness, you can still make out the shabby sheik bed and dresser lined with picture frames of pinks, blues and greens. You can see the stuffed animal and doll silhouettes from the shelf that lines her entire room. Barbies litter the floor half naked and in contortionist poses. Her miniature dressing table drawer hangs open with strings of beads and plastic earrings draping out of it. The closet doors are open and you can make out every princess outfit in all of their glittery poofiness.

The soft music plays on a continuous loop. A beautiful Asian inspired lullaby CD that makes you think of Geisha and cherry blossoms.

In the bed is a perfect little lump. The lump is snoring.

I stood there listening to her breathe (and snore) for what seemed only to be a few seconds but was actually several minutes. I found myself thinking of the lump and her genuine goodness. A sweetness so pure and real that all the evil and scary things of the world melted away for just a moment. I remembered her goodnight hug. So tight I thought I might not breathe. Loving me because that is all she knows how to do. Then she kisses me so many times that I lose count and says "one kiss is never enough, Mommy".

If you had asked me ten years ago to describe this night, I guarantee you it would not have been this wonderful. I could never have imagined such a blessing. I could never have pictured this.